Self Reflection

Recently I was told by someone that I seemed cold and unfriendly. I really took it to heart and have tried take time for some self-reflection and even have tried to make more of an effort to be friendly in general. I have worried about it, prayed about it, talked with others, and now I am done. Last night I got the privilege of having a dinner out with girlfriends and I was reminded not only what amazing friends I have, but that I wouldn't have these amazing people in my life if I was the horrible person some people have labeled me as. I spent so much time in my high school and college years trying to be who I thought people wanted me to be and frankly I do not have the time or energy to do it anymore. I was challenged by a good friend before I had kids to live authentically and I really appreciated that advice. It allowed me to deepen some of my relationships and begin some new friendships with people who cared about who I really was. And while I do desire to offer genuine kindness to people around me, I don't think that means that I need to bend over backwards to cheerfully greet everyone who comes into eye contact with me. And even though I have joy in my life, that doesn't mean that I am always cheerful, but I don't think that anyone else needs to take that personally. If they do, that is their issue, isn't it? Obviously I am human, and I want people to like me, but I want them also to see me for who I really am. I am kind of shy (shocker, I know, since I cover it beautifully with my wit and charm), it takes me a long time to warm up to new people, and I am uncomfortable in large groups of people. I guess those things make me seem cold and unfriendly, but they are also who I am and I can't really change overnight and still remain true to myself. I guess my question would be, is it better to be plastic and fake or appear unfriendly to people who don't know me well? And yes, I realize that I am also overly sarcastic at times and that people can be easily insulted or turned off by it; I am working on that one.
Okay, so enough self reflection. This post was as much for me as anyone else, so hopefully I haven't offended anyone, that is the last thing I need right now. I think I need chocolate.

Kendall's First Haircut

Many of you probably read the title and thought surely KJ has had a hair cut before. While this is true, yesterday was the first time she tried to do it by herself. Ahh, the joys of motherhood. I should have known that any time I plan to take professional pictures of my kids they will either somehow manage to bruise their forehead, get permanent marker on a cheek, or decide to cut their own hair. We have been debating for a couple of weeks about whether or not to give her bangs or grow out her hair in front, and now the decision has apparently been made for us. I must admit I was rather livid, but tried my best to remain calm. I had a flash in my head of the scene in Mommy Dearest where she cuts off all of her daughters hair. I didn't go that far, but I was pretty upset. First, I found out that she got out of bed during nap to commit the hair crime (strike one), plus she used super sharp scissors that she knows she is not supposed to touch (strike two, and no comments about how she managed to get them, I feel guilty enough), and she tried to cover up her deed by throwing all the hair she cut off in the trash (strike three, although she does get brownie points for cleaning up after herself). Not only did she cut a decent chunk out of her bangs, she picked the spot right where her cowlick/callick (how the heck do you spell that) is, so the remaining inch is sticking straight up. Crazy girl!

Good Clean Fun

Below are some pictures of the kids from last week's shaving cream extravaganza. We try and do it at least once every summer. The upside is that the kids get really clean and it is relatively cheap entertainment. The downside is the kids smell like old men for a good 24 hours and if anyone gets it in their eyes you need to be prepared for the onslaught of hysterical crying. Fortunately this was a successful year, not to cold to rinse off in the sprinklers and no one ended up blind. I thought about switching to redi-whip instead of shaving cream but I am afraid the bees might get to attracted to my sweet little monkeys.

Bennett tried to cover every inch of his body. By the end of the

morning he was pretty much rolling all over the table with the

shaving cream.

Kendall joy was pretty much laughing the entire time.

Camden was a little leery at first. He really doesn't like being
messy, but he eventually folded to the peer pressure (not a good
sign for later in life) and started to get into it. He didn't cover as
much of himself as the others, but that worked out better to clean him
up anyway.

A final warning to anyone hoping to enjoy some shaving cream fun. Sunscreen may be waterproof but it washes out with soap, and shaving cream is pretty much like soap. KJ got a little pink and I couldn't figure out why since I had lathered her really well with sunscreen, and then I made the connection. Now you know :)

Finding the off Button

Forgive me if the following seems incoherent, I am working on very little sleep these days. Actually it started about eleven and a half years ago when I got married....just kidding. Seriously though, the past few nights I have not been able to sleep! I am totally exhausted, but as soon as my head hits the pillow I am tired but not sleepy and I can't seem to do anything to remedy it. Matt says I need to find my "off button", but at my age if I haven't been able to find it yet I probably never will. Which leads me to my next question, why is it that guys seem to be able to fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow? It is so frustrating, and admittedly it makes me a little jealous. While I am laying there pondering summer plans, budget worries, fire escape routes, homosexual marriage, and frustrating new cell phone laws, my darling husband is snoring next to me. How rude! And I know that if by some miracle I am able to fall asleep, my kids are going to end up getting up at night and needing something.
So, if you have any suggestions for getting a better nights sleep let me know. However, please take note of the following:
Warm milk - yuck, gag. Hard to fall asleep when I am throwing up warm milk. Nasty! I would rather be awake for the next ten years.
Exercise - if running around after my kids all day isn't exercise than I don't know what is. I have tried going on long walks in the evening, but it actually wakes me up more than makes me sleepy.
Taking a shower - this kind of works, but lately I am too tired to think about taking a shower at night. And I have to take one every morning or I feel gross and greasy all day, so if I have to take one at night too then I know I am just going to sit in bed and worry about my quickly climbing water bill.
Hitting myself on the head with a large blunt object - I am totally open to this, but for some reason Matt objects.

My Love of Pens

Those of you who know me well know that I am in love with pens. It is a pen fetish, really. I am addicted. In general I have an addictive personality, but that is a whole other issue. Someone asked me recently why I love pens, and I have been trying seriously to figure it out.
When I was a kid, I used to love those big sets of crayons and markers. All of those colors were hypnotizing for me. Which is probably why my kids have an entire drawer full of markers and crayons, which I honestly probably buy more for me than them. Who doesn't love the pen aisle in the craft store, all organized and color coordinated? The perfectionist in me loves to see that visual rainbow of straight, neat, markers. I have issues.
I think part of the reason that I love pens is I love writing. Not creating stories, just handwriting. When I was little I would look at my friends writing and try and copy it. I know, the psychologist in my head tells me that it was due to a lack of self esteem and a weak attempt to find identity in someone else by emulating something personal like writing. Pretty good, huh? I should pay myself for all my psycho babble, we would be rich! When you look back at school papers from 4th grade through high school it is amazing to see how many vastly different kinds of handwriting I had. Even now I can't write an entire page without modifying my writing at least once. I think maybe I am schizophrenic. I wonder what a handwriting expert would say about my writing; wait, maybe I don't want to know.
Some of my favorites? I love super fine point felt tip markers in lots of different colors. I hate erasable pens (too smudgy), roller ball pens (the ink gets inconsistent), and ball point markers that get that ink goo build up at the end of the pen. I also like pencils that are super sharp, but I don't like them as much as pens. Like I said, I am a perfectionist who has issues. Don't we all?
As a side note, I hope you all are well and avoiding smoke and fire. Sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days, but my computer was packed up in case of evacuation and our power has been in and out.
Feel free to leave a comment about your favorite type of pen! Or just tell me that I am crazy, it's not like I haven't heard it before :)

Goleta Fire

For those of you who don't already know, there is a fire burning in the hills above Goleta. They have named it the "Gap Fire", which makes no sense to me whatsoever. Seriously, what's next, the Pottery Barn Fire? Anyway, for those of us who remember the Painted Cave Fire (which was 18 years ago, wow does that make me feel old!) the past couple of days have been a little eerie and uncomfortable. Last night the power was out in all of SB, Goleta, and Carpinteria for just about 4 hours. Being the ever-optimist that I am (ha ha, yeah right) I decided to come up with a list of all the good aspects of this fire. Here you go:
1. While rummaging through my house trying to find important papers in case we evacuate, I was able to throw away a bag full of garbage that had been collecting in my drawers. A little late for Spring cleaning but I will take what I can get.
2. For the past couple of night everyone tends to walk around the front of their homes at dusk to watch the flames. It has provided a great opportunity for us to get to know our neighbors!
3. Last night when the power was out I had several hours with no t.v, internet, phone, lights. Ahh..peace and quiet. Kind of like when you wake up in the middle of the night and your mind is racing and you can't get back to sleep, only better.
4. Matt has come home early from group the past 2 nights! Of course we have still been up late watching the news, but it is good quality time.
5. The police authorities have been too busy to strictly enforce the no cell phone while driving law. Woo hoo! I know, I am a rebel.
Hope you all are safe and doing well!

Zoo Day

Grandma Loza said she wanted to do something special with the kids, so today we all headed to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Normally I try to avoid the zoo in the summer, or at least avoid the bazillion screaming wild children in zoo camp, but we decided to take our chances and remarkably had a really good time. Bennett and Kendall Joy were a little sad that we "ran out of time" and couldn't see the bugs, but I think they have overcome their disappointment. We have plenty of bugs around the house they can look at, I really didn't feel like entering the dark cavern labeled "eewww" to look at the black widows and tarantulas that I usually try to avoid in everyday life.

The highlight of their day? Let's see, with all the incredible animals they got to see and the zoo train they got to ride I am going to have to go with the big hill. Yes, you heard me right. While surrounded by God's creatures my children gravitated towards the astro-turf knoll in the play area. And had an amazing time. Ironically, when mommy tried it, something about the heat of the day and the friction of the astro-turf kind of hurt and warmed my buns just enough that I chose not to try it again. Can you imagine having to go to the hospital and say you got a rug burn on your butt from sliding down the astro-turf hill at the zoo? Anyways, here's some pics:

aww...don't I have the greatest kids?

flyin' down the "hill"

my sweet littlest monkey, who chose to scoot down on his bottom rather than slide. Dare devil he is not, but that's okay with me!