Hurting

I knew parenting would be rough. Matt & I didn't go into this blind, we knew there would be tough spots along the way and still decided 12 years ago that we wanted kids. We heard all the warnings that parenting is like wearing your heart on the outside, it's not for the faint of heart, blah blah blah. We knew. But knowing and experiencing are two totally different things.
We have endured sleepless nights, sick kids, cranky "phases" (aka ages 2-4), and learned a lot along the way. We learned that with every step there is a fall, and then you look back and learn from what you did and move forward. We have taught our kids how to walk, talk, use the bathroom, etc. and are continually working on teaching them to love, respect, and be helpful. We know that in order to learn these things they need to experience them, so we try to show them love, kindness, hospitality, etc. As a parent you think these are the tough things to teach, until something happens that you can't fix. As a parent you realize that in order to learn how to heal, a child must first learn what it means to hurt. In order to learn how to succeed, they must first taste failure. In order to learn how to move from mourning to peace they must first understand what it means to grieve. In order to learn to trust God and have faith, they must be stretched in ways we cannot understand. My son is hurting now, and I feel like it is my fault. I know there is no easy fix for his pain, and I know that he will grow from this and learn a ton about himself and God and family, but right now he hurts. As a parent I want nothing more than to take all his pain away but I know that instead I need to try to give him tools to help him move forward, this is the hardest thing I think I have faced as a parent. I want him to understand that his pain hurts me too, but I don't want him to feel guilty or feel like he needs to hide his pain from me so instead I sit silently and hold him while he cries. We are both broken. And I know from my life experiences that we will move on and things will get better, but he doesn't yet, and it kills me that his perfect little world is starting to crack.
I know you may be totally lost reading this, and it probably doesn't make sense at all, but I just needed to get it out.