Change

Wow, we were sick for awhile. Hoping things are on the mend now, although there are a couple in our family that have yet to come down with anything. I am guessing maybe Christmas Eve we will start another round, such an optimistic thought right?
So, the cat was officially out of the bag last week about our move and I have yet to blog about it because I have been so sick. And by the way, does anyone know where that phrase came from? It sounds like our news is going to pounce on you and scratch your eyes out. Can you tell I don't like cats? Anyway, we are officially packing up AGAIN and moving AGAIN but this time it is the biggest change we have ever made. It is so weird to think I am moving somewhere where I will have no friends, Matt will have no normal routine for a while, and we will basically just have each other. In some ways I am really excited about it, in other ways completely terrified. I just keep thinking to myself, what if this doesn't work out? Where will we go then? This will be our 7th move since we were married, I am hoping it lasts longer than 3 years. Hoping, praying, begging God. Our house is full of empty boxes right now, and I keep looking at them hoping that they will fill themselves. I feel like for every two boxes I pack I am also throwing away at least one bag of stuff, and I must admit I love that. My kids aren't so happy since it's mostly their stuff I am getting rid of, but I am feeling cleansed of clutter.
If you think about it, pray for my kiddos. They are anxious about this, as are we, and since I haven't ever really moved away from family and friends before it is hard to know how to comfort them. And if you live in the area and want to come pack a box feel free! We have three weeks until the big move and about 400 boxes to load up!

Sickies

I know I should be thankful that it is November and so far this school year my kids have been pretty healthy. I know I should remember than in the big picture I have amazingly healthy kids and am thankful for them each day. I know I should remember that God has always been faithful to provide for us in the past, and I need to trust that he will continue to do so in the future. These are things that I should know, but they are super hard to remember at 2:00 in the morning when my oldest walks in my bedroom door and can barely breathe. And it is depressing and scary that one of my first thoughts as I watch him struggling and realize we need to take him to the emergency room is "How on earth are we going to pay for this?"
This is not the way I wanted to start my week. Bennett is doing okay now, he has asthmatic bronchitis and a cool inhaler to use for the next couple of days. Which means, now that he is on the mend, I can start worrying about hospital bills. I just finished telling Matt that we got another bill from my surgery in June which we thought we had finally paid off, and now we get to add this ER visit to our debt tab. Do you ever feel like everything decides to crash in on you at the same time? Trying to keep a thankful heart, would appreciate your prayers.

Confession

Last year around this time I bought a pair of corduroy pants. It was a meager attempt to be somewhat fashionable, and they were super comfy and cheap because I had an Old Navy coupon. Skipping ahead to January, I started the year with the desire to lose some weight (along with most of America, gotta love resolutions) and much to my delight my pants were quickly too big for me. I thought about getting rid of them but didn't want to be wasteful. My point to all this back story is that I tried them on again this week and much to my dismay they fit again. Usually a good thing when pants fit, this time not so much. Last Spring they were falling off of me, now they sit comfortably. Ugh. So, I would like to blame my good fitting pants on the following:
1. Starbucks/Zizzo's. If your darn latte's didn't taste so good then maybe I wouldn't be forced to drink them all the time.
2. Matty. How is it possible that you can eat limitless ice cream and drink gallons of Dr. Pepper and not gain weight?
3. My doctors, who jointly prescribed random steroids and hormones this year in an attempt to get me healthy and figure out some issues. I'll take the issues back as I prefer loose pants.
4. My wallet. If it had more money in it then maybe I could buy healthier produce instead of a 79 cent taco.
I guess I should be thankful that at least I don't have to buy new pants this winter!

Trick or Treat

So, with Halloween just a couple of days away I figured it was about time that I finish making Kendall's costume. We originally bought her a Jessie costume but it looked so cheap and the hat barely fit her big noggin so we took it back. Poor Kendall, two years in a row now mommy has made her costume and the boys get a bought one. Just one more thing to add to the therapy checklist. Anyway, yesterday I finally got around to finishing it (and starting it for that matter) and it turned out super cute! I mean, I can't sew and it is all put together with tape but hopefully it can last a couple of nights, right? Honestly I didn't sew it because I wanted to be able to take it all apart later so she can still wear the individual pieces, the fact that I can't sew has little to do with it.
This year's theme didn't happen, I knew my days were numbered. Camden is going to be a green alien from Toy Story (SO cute!) and KJ will be Jessie, but Bennett refused to be Buzz or Woody. Wake up and smell the 9 year old, way to advanced for that sort of kiddie costume. Instead he is going to be a Jawa, the red-eyed cloaked things from Star Wars. Not exactly cute and cuddly, but he is excited. And mommy is excited because the kids are now old enough to know which are mommy's favorite candies so when they go to a door that they get a choice of treats they always pick ones I like. I have the best kids ever!

Hurting

I knew parenting would be rough. Matt & I didn't go into this blind, we knew there would be tough spots along the way and still decided 12 years ago that we wanted kids. We heard all the warnings that parenting is like wearing your heart on the outside, it's not for the faint of heart, blah blah blah. We knew. But knowing and experiencing are two totally different things.
We have endured sleepless nights, sick kids, cranky "phases" (aka ages 2-4), and learned a lot along the way. We learned that with every step there is a fall, and then you look back and learn from what you did and move forward. We have taught our kids how to walk, talk, use the bathroom, etc. and are continually working on teaching them to love, respect, and be helpful. We know that in order to learn these things they need to experience them, so we try to show them love, kindness, hospitality, etc. As a parent you think these are the tough things to teach, until something happens that you can't fix. As a parent you realize that in order to learn how to heal, a child must first learn what it means to hurt. In order to learn how to succeed, they must first taste failure. In order to learn how to move from mourning to peace they must first understand what it means to grieve. In order to learn to trust God and have faith, they must be stretched in ways we cannot understand. My son is hurting now, and I feel like it is my fault. I know there is no easy fix for his pain, and I know that he will grow from this and learn a ton about himself and God and family, but right now he hurts. As a parent I want nothing more than to take all his pain away but I know that instead I need to try to give him tools to help him move forward, this is the hardest thing I think I have faced as a parent. I want him to understand that his pain hurts me too, but I don't want him to feel guilty or feel like he needs to hide his pain from me so instead I sit silently and hold him while he cries. We are both broken. And I know from my life experiences that we will move on and things will get better, but he doesn't yet, and it kills me that his perfect little world is starting to crack.
I know you may be totally lost reading this, and it probably doesn't make sense at all, but I just needed to get it out.

Sales and Shows

I officially survived my last garage sale this weekend. Okay, I know I always say I will never do another garage sale but this time I really mean it! I started to think about the number of hours I put in sorting and pricing, and the number of hours I spent setting up and haggling with customers, only to discover that I think I averaged a negative amount of money per hour. I didn't even know that was possible. And despite the fact that we got rid of a ton of stuff we still have way to much leftover garbage. How I wish I could throw some invisible paint on it all and it would all disappear.
After our garage sale and before we left for a weekend trip (I know, I really pack a lot into my weekends) Kendall had her American Girl Fashion Show call-back. I couldn't believe how quickly my attitude changed from casual and supportive mom to total annoying stage mom. It was a crazy Jekyll and Hyde moment for me. I kept whispering to her to smile and stand straight, it was like a foreign language coming out of my mouth that I couldn't stop. I am hoping to squelch my inner stage mom as we attend the dress rehearsals and shows; I may need to invest in some duct tape before then. Definitely.

Wicked

Ever wonder what this stay at home mom does when she has time at home alone? At the moment, other than blogging, I am listening to the Wicked soundtrack which is being blasted through my ipod. LOVE it. It is my favorite thing to do when I am here alone; I sing along at the top of my lungs while cleaning up. I am also secretly going through all my kids toys to get ready for the garage sale on Saturday, my own little version of being wicked I suppose. My kids are pack rats, someone has to help them de-clutter their lives! I am also watching our fish closely, as there was yet another "accident" this morning which is far too crazy to get into but I have a feeling both Inspector Fishy and Shiny may be taking a ride down the porcelain throne today and I do not want my kids to find them floating. Again.
Doesn't my life sound thrilling?