Lasts

This has been a painful week of lasts. Last time helping in KJ's class at CCA, last home group, last awana, last jr. high/high school nights for Matt, last tearful playdates with Santa Barbara friends. It has been emotionally exhausting, and combined with packing up I am surprised I can still open my eyes. I am ready for some firsts. They sound a little more promising. First morning at the new church, first day of a new school (the kids are dreading that one), first night in the new house. It's coming, and I am praying it will be good. For now we have one more "last" to get through tomorrow. Last morning at Community Covenant. Already crying thinking about it. I knew I should have bought stock in kleenex a month ago.

I can't believe I am blogging about deodorant...

About a year ago I kept smelling random whiffs of stench around my house. First I blamed the hubby's feet, then I found myself constantly checking to see if my deodorant was working. I eventually found the culprit, my darling sweet little children. Who knew my little darlings could smell so ripe at such a young age? We quickly had the hygiene talk and purchased deodorant for both the older kiddos, and followed it up with almost daily reminders to actually use the product. I think they have finally gotten the hang of it. Unfortunately, my oldest dropped his and it crumbled into a million pieces this week, which meant I had the task of actually remembering to replenish it at the grocery store. Three trips later, I finally remembered it. Unfortunately, it took me forever to find it, I sat in the grocery store aisle (okay, not literally, that's just gross) staring at rows of men's deodorant trying desperately to find an unscented one. I am sorry, I do not want my nine year old smelling like a rotting pine forest or an old man who has been sitting at a black jack table all day. Who makes these scents? Not a mom, I will tell you that. Girls/women have so many options for scents, from fruity to flowery, powdery to plain, but men apparently all need to have deodorant that you can smell from a mile away. You would think some brilliant corporate mind would realize this and market to the millions of stinky young boys in this country. Lego scented deodorant, playdough for your pits, crayola's not just for coloring anymore. Most of the brands don't even offer an unscented option. I actually thought about just buying a girl one but didn't want to completely scar my son for life. I finally found one, on the bottom shelf, and it is a brand that I didn't recognize that was on sale for 99 cents so who knows what it is going to do to my sons armpits. I might be better off if I just pasted a couple of bars of soap under there.

Pictures

Here are a few recent pics. Yes, I know it is December and Halloween was a while ago but I just downloaded all my camera pics. The first one is from the American Girl Fashion show, Kendall was in a bitty baby outfit and posed with her friends who were Kit and Julie:
This one is from Halloween. Bennett was a Jawa (his helmet even had the red eye lights), KJ was Jessie and Camden was a green alien from Toy Story. Very fun!

I should be...

I should be packing right now. I should be packing, planning, cleaning, doing something productive. I should be helping kids with homework, playing games with Camden, wrapping Christmas presents, anything else besides sitting here completely mindlessly searching through blogs for crafts I will probably never make and lurking on facebook about people I could just as easily call to catch up with. Frustrated.
I tend to get this way when I have way too much going on. I don't know where to start, so I just don't do anything. Last week I broke my toe and was so angry that I was practically immobile and couldn't do anything I wanted to. Now that I am doing better, I can't get through this mental block. I think I need help. Or a HUGE margarita. Just kidding, I promise :)
I did finish my Christmas cards today, so I can say I did one productive thing. Now I just have to wait for the right time to mail it so my friends aren't annoyed with me. Christmas cards are a tricky business. You have to write enough to get out pertinent information, but not too much or you just seem braggy and annoying. Okay, I am just babbling now so I best get on to my projects. Or do some more online Christmas wish list making. Sigh.

Change

Wow, we were sick for awhile. Hoping things are on the mend now, although there are a couple in our family that have yet to come down with anything. I am guessing maybe Christmas Eve we will start another round, such an optimistic thought right?
So, the cat was officially out of the bag last week about our move and I have yet to blog about it because I have been so sick. And by the way, does anyone know where that phrase came from? It sounds like our news is going to pounce on you and scratch your eyes out. Can you tell I don't like cats? Anyway, we are officially packing up AGAIN and moving AGAIN but this time it is the biggest change we have ever made. It is so weird to think I am moving somewhere where I will have no friends, Matt will have no normal routine for a while, and we will basically just have each other. In some ways I am really excited about it, in other ways completely terrified. I just keep thinking to myself, what if this doesn't work out? Where will we go then? This will be our 7th move since we were married, I am hoping it lasts longer than 3 years. Hoping, praying, begging God. Our house is full of empty boxes right now, and I keep looking at them hoping that they will fill themselves. I feel like for every two boxes I pack I am also throwing away at least one bag of stuff, and I must admit I love that. My kids aren't so happy since it's mostly their stuff I am getting rid of, but I am feeling cleansed of clutter.
If you think about it, pray for my kiddos. They are anxious about this, as are we, and since I haven't ever really moved away from family and friends before it is hard to know how to comfort them. And if you live in the area and want to come pack a box feel free! We have three weeks until the big move and about 400 boxes to load up!

Sickies

I know I should be thankful that it is November and so far this school year my kids have been pretty healthy. I know I should remember than in the big picture I have amazingly healthy kids and am thankful for them each day. I know I should remember that God has always been faithful to provide for us in the past, and I need to trust that he will continue to do so in the future. These are things that I should know, but they are super hard to remember at 2:00 in the morning when my oldest walks in my bedroom door and can barely breathe. And it is depressing and scary that one of my first thoughts as I watch him struggling and realize we need to take him to the emergency room is "How on earth are we going to pay for this?"
This is not the way I wanted to start my week. Bennett is doing okay now, he has asthmatic bronchitis and a cool inhaler to use for the next couple of days. Which means, now that he is on the mend, I can start worrying about hospital bills. I just finished telling Matt that we got another bill from my surgery in June which we thought we had finally paid off, and now we get to add this ER visit to our debt tab. Do you ever feel like everything decides to crash in on you at the same time? Trying to keep a thankful heart, would appreciate your prayers.

Confession

Last year around this time I bought a pair of corduroy pants. It was a meager attempt to be somewhat fashionable, and they were super comfy and cheap because I had an Old Navy coupon. Skipping ahead to January, I started the year with the desire to lose some weight (along with most of America, gotta love resolutions) and much to my delight my pants were quickly too big for me. I thought about getting rid of them but didn't want to be wasteful. My point to all this back story is that I tried them on again this week and much to my dismay they fit again. Usually a good thing when pants fit, this time not so much. Last Spring they were falling off of me, now they sit comfortably. Ugh. So, I would like to blame my good fitting pants on the following:
1. Starbucks/Zizzo's. If your darn latte's didn't taste so good then maybe I wouldn't be forced to drink them all the time.
2. Matty. How is it possible that you can eat limitless ice cream and drink gallons of Dr. Pepper and not gain weight?
3. My doctors, who jointly prescribed random steroids and hormones this year in an attempt to get me healthy and figure out some issues. I'll take the issues back as I prefer loose pants.
4. My wallet. If it had more money in it then maybe I could buy healthier produce instead of a 79 cent taco.
I guess I should be thankful that at least I don't have to buy new pants this winter!

Trick or Treat

So, with Halloween just a couple of days away I figured it was about time that I finish making Kendall's costume. We originally bought her a Jessie costume but it looked so cheap and the hat barely fit her big noggin so we took it back. Poor Kendall, two years in a row now mommy has made her costume and the boys get a bought one. Just one more thing to add to the therapy checklist. Anyway, yesterday I finally got around to finishing it (and starting it for that matter) and it turned out super cute! I mean, I can't sew and it is all put together with tape but hopefully it can last a couple of nights, right? Honestly I didn't sew it because I wanted to be able to take it all apart later so she can still wear the individual pieces, the fact that I can't sew has little to do with it.
This year's theme didn't happen, I knew my days were numbered. Camden is going to be a green alien from Toy Story (SO cute!) and KJ will be Jessie, but Bennett refused to be Buzz or Woody. Wake up and smell the 9 year old, way to advanced for that sort of kiddie costume. Instead he is going to be a Jawa, the red-eyed cloaked things from Star Wars. Not exactly cute and cuddly, but he is excited. And mommy is excited because the kids are now old enough to know which are mommy's favorite candies so when they go to a door that they get a choice of treats they always pick ones I like. I have the best kids ever!

Hurting

I knew parenting would be rough. Matt & I didn't go into this blind, we knew there would be tough spots along the way and still decided 12 years ago that we wanted kids. We heard all the warnings that parenting is like wearing your heart on the outside, it's not for the faint of heart, blah blah blah. We knew. But knowing and experiencing are two totally different things.
We have endured sleepless nights, sick kids, cranky "phases" (aka ages 2-4), and learned a lot along the way. We learned that with every step there is a fall, and then you look back and learn from what you did and move forward. We have taught our kids how to walk, talk, use the bathroom, etc. and are continually working on teaching them to love, respect, and be helpful. We know that in order to learn these things they need to experience them, so we try to show them love, kindness, hospitality, etc. As a parent you think these are the tough things to teach, until something happens that you can't fix. As a parent you realize that in order to learn how to heal, a child must first learn what it means to hurt. In order to learn how to succeed, they must first taste failure. In order to learn how to move from mourning to peace they must first understand what it means to grieve. In order to learn to trust God and have faith, they must be stretched in ways we cannot understand. My son is hurting now, and I feel like it is my fault. I know there is no easy fix for his pain, and I know that he will grow from this and learn a ton about himself and God and family, but right now he hurts. As a parent I want nothing more than to take all his pain away but I know that instead I need to try to give him tools to help him move forward, this is the hardest thing I think I have faced as a parent. I want him to understand that his pain hurts me too, but I don't want him to feel guilty or feel like he needs to hide his pain from me so instead I sit silently and hold him while he cries. We are both broken. And I know from my life experiences that we will move on and things will get better, but he doesn't yet, and it kills me that his perfect little world is starting to crack.
I know you may be totally lost reading this, and it probably doesn't make sense at all, but I just needed to get it out.

Sales and Shows

I officially survived my last garage sale this weekend. Okay, I know I always say I will never do another garage sale but this time I really mean it! I started to think about the number of hours I put in sorting and pricing, and the number of hours I spent setting up and haggling with customers, only to discover that I think I averaged a negative amount of money per hour. I didn't even know that was possible. And despite the fact that we got rid of a ton of stuff we still have way to much leftover garbage. How I wish I could throw some invisible paint on it all and it would all disappear.
After our garage sale and before we left for a weekend trip (I know, I really pack a lot into my weekends) Kendall had her American Girl Fashion Show call-back. I couldn't believe how quickly my attitude changed from casual and supportive mom to total annoying stage mom. It was a crazy Jekyll and Hyde moment for me. I kept whispering to her to smile and stand straight, it was like a foreign language coming out of my mouth that I couldn't stop. I am hoping to squelch my inner stage mom as we attend the dress rehearsals and shows; I may need to invest in some duct tape before then. Definitely.

Wicked

Ever wonder what this stay at home mom does when she has time at home alone? At the moment, other than blogging, I am listening to the Wicked soundtrack which is being blasted through my ipod. LOVE it. It is my favorite thing to do when I am here alone; I sing along at the top of my lungs while cleaning up. I am also secretly going through all my kids toys to get ready for the garage sale on Saturday, my own little version of being wicked I suppose. My kids are pack rats, someone has to help them de-clutter their lives! I am also watching our fish closely, as there was yet another "accident" this morning which is far too crazy to get into but I have a feeling both Inspector Fishy and Shiny may be taking a ride down the porcelain throne today and I do not want my kids to find them floating. Again.
Doesn't my life sound thrilling?

A Fish Story

This crazy lady that I know decided that it would be a good idea to give away Beta fish at her son's Great Barrier Reef birthday party in May. I don't know what she was thinking. First of all, it was a good thing one party guest didn't show up because we ended up needing an extra fish when after an hour one of the fish who had already been chosen and named had to make a visit to the porcelain throne. Then she she spent weeks with her stomach tied in knots knowing that every time the phone rang it could be a child in tears because their fish friend was "sleeping". Fortunately that only happened to one other one, until recently.
KJ and Camden shared one fish, "Tiny", and Bennett has his own named "Inspector Fishy". A couple of weeks ago Kendall and Bennett found Tiny, eyes wide and floating sideways, in his bowl. And of course, it was right before bedtime. It took me a good hour to calm Kendall's sobs as she mourned the loss of her favorite fish. I tried the whole "God takes care of all creation and you will see Tiny in heaven" but it didn't help. The next day we had to make another trip to the pet store for a new friend, and named him "Shiny". They were all excited because he is kind of different looking, a shiny silver blue, which I thought was really cool until yesterday.
Because we are trying to make sure Shiny lives a long healthy life, I decided to clean his bowl yesterday. During the process I learned something about Shiny, he is feisty and apparently wants to find a way home. I poured him in a cup to clean his bowl and when I went to pour him back he jumped out of the water (must have been a fish gymnast in another land) and landed on the bathroom counter. I think I screamed. All I could think of was the fact that Shiny had this "special" look and there was no way I would be able to fool KJ with a duplicate if he didn't survive. Not to mention Camden was helping me and the last thing I wanted to do was to have to teach him how to lie to his sister. Fortunately I was able to flip him back into his bowl and I think he has recovered. I must admit I even said a little prayer for him, desperate times call for desperate measures you know! Hopefully she won't find him floating anytime soon. And you wonder why we don't have a dog ;)

Coffee

Growing up I wasn't fond of coffee. Cream and sugar, yes, but coffee not so much. My distaste of coffee grew when my junior high English teacher drank black coffee, and breathed in our face when we had questions leading me to want to hurl. That being said, one of the beautiful aspects about my relationship with Matt was that we both shared this uncommon dislike of coffee. Friends and family were shocked when we got married and didn't register for a coffee pot, which is probably why we ended up with 5 crock pots. All that to say our world was turned upside down when our besties encouraged us to try new things at Starbucks until we found what we could tolerate. Thus, my love affair with coffee took shape. My darling iced grande nonfat white mocha (sometimes with a shot of peppermint at Christmas) has become a new friend. We look forward every year to Fall when our birthdays roll around and Christmas is here because we hold our breath hoping for gift cards to feed our addiction. All this back story is written to explain a bizarre dream I had last night.
Last weekend I decided to cut out carbs/sugar for a while. Shocking, I know, but I need to cleanse out my system. I have resigned myself to the nonfat sugar free vanilla latte, which is not even close to my darling drinks taste. So last night I had a dream that we went to the movie theater and saw a Starbucks outside. We snuck out to get coffee and I ordered the SFV but they made a mistake and I found myself drinking my white mocha. It was like pure joy being poured down my throat. When I woke up I realized that even in my dreams I can't stay on a diet. Suck.

New Look

So what do you think of the new look? I figured it had been ages, and if I was going to start blogging again I should do something new. Not that I actually did anything but press a button, but it seems somewhat impressive doesn't it?
I am not going to even bother playing catch up, but there is a lot going on in the Patterfam life that I will post soon. I don't have a ton of time today because I am getting ready for our third brownie meeting this afternoon. If you had told me when I was 9 years old, walking home alone on a cold dark night because my girl scout leader had forgotten to tell me that our meeting was cancelled, that I would someday be a brownie leader I would have laughed in your face. Or cried, given the circumstances. I must admit I kind of went into this kicking and screaming but I am having a lot of fun. Nothing like living out your childhood dreams through your kiddos, just one more thing that they will have to talk about with their therapist later ;)
Hope you all are doing well! I promise to post again soon!

My Baby

My baby boy turned nine today. It seems absolutely impossible that nine years has passed since his birth! He is getting so tall and I love that he still wants to sit in my lap even though he is way too long for me :)
As part of his "birthday week extravaganza" his teacher asked me to put together a special birthday book for Bennett and come read it to the class. All of the parents have done it for their kids, and I had seen a few, but today was the first time I stayed for the whole "experience". Bennett sat next to me as I read his book and I could tell he was both proud and a little embarrassed, which is okay with me. After I finished reading it and showed everyone the pictures, his teacher asked if any of the students wanted to pray for Bennett. I was overwhelmed at the joyous response and then completely touched when I heard their prayers. It was sooooo sweet! They thanked God for Bennett's friendship and kindness and prayed blessings on his day. It took everything in me not to burst out in tears! As a mom there is no greater gift then seeing your kids showered with love and praise! It made me so thankful for our school and our friends. And not only was he blessed at school, but his day started out with finding a decorated car as he headed out the door to leave this morning. His best buddy came last night to decorate our car and Bennett was definitely surprised! My heart is so full of love not only for my baby boy, but our amazing circle of family and friends who do so much to show us that we are loved!
And since I am now completely balling as I write this I am going to end this post with a heart full of gratitude and thanks ;)

Just another day as a crazy mom

On Friday I almost wrecked my car. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it came close. You see, I had to go the bank and as I was leaving and my mind was in a thousand different places, I happened to see Taylor Lautner and almost crashed my car. Let me remind you that I am a happily married woman who really has no interest in young boys. That being said, when I saw him my mind and body simultaneously focused on finding my cell phone to call my besties and grab a picture instead of driving. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had actually hit a parked car? "I'm sorry officer but it wasn't all my fault, I was distracted by Jacob from Twilight...." To make matters worse, did I mention that the Taylor I saw turned out to be a cardboard cut-out deceptively placed to fool us poor women and cause us to crash our cars? You can stop laughing now, I know I am crazy.

Mammoth

I have been patiently waiting to blog anything until I could tell you all of our amazing Mammoth adventures (yes, I know it was like three weeks ago) and upload all of my beautiful pictures. Unfortunately, the technical gods have not been shining on me lately and I have officially lost all my pics and completely destroyed my memory card for my camera. I am trying really hard not to be overly bummed out by this. I am also trying really hard not to strangle the people at Sammy's camera or the makers of the SD picture card. Apparently what happened to my card is not unusual, because there are thousands of posts online by people who have had similar issues. I will not admit how many suggestions I read through, but sadly must confess that I did try three outrageous Macgyver moves to try to mend my card with no success. So even though I don't have pictures to show and it has been forever since our trip, I will still fill you in on the details.
First of all, I don't know why I was worried that there wasn't going to be any snow. I have never seen so much in my life! My kids were in snow heaven. Bennett has declared that he officially wants to move to Mammoth, and Kendall's favorite new food is snow. We had such a good time sledding and riding the Gondola. No skiing for us (major budget buster - how do people do that?) but we had a ton of fun. And one of the biggest highlights was the gorgeous place we stayed at that had 2 sets of stairs which of course meant free rides for my kids. It is amazing how much fun a staircase can be when you are in slippery snow gear and you are not old enough to feel/realize the damage you are causing to your tailbone. It was definitely a much needed vacay for our family, and I am hoping and praying that we are invited back to do it again someday. I have heard that they are predicting the ski runs will be open until July this year, can you imagine that?

Being Green

My family's green clothes are officially now in the bottom of the laundry basket, where they will probably stay until next St. Patrick's Day. I love green veggies and fruit, like to decorate with shades of green, but cannot pull it off in my wardrobe. And I noticed yesterday, most other people can't either. It is not a super flattering color for very many people. I am sure St. Patrick himself can't help but roll over in his grave every March 17th and think to himself, "I looked much better in blue." I do think it is ironic that we live in a country that thrives on non-conformity (or at least they think they do) and the individual spirit but everyone can be convinced to wear green clothes on a holiday they know nothing about merely on the threat that they might get pinched. Whoever gave that first pinch years and years ago must have given a whopper since we all still fear it now. We should hire that same person to deal with terrorists, we would probably live in a much more peaceable world if we did.
As a side note, I had to go to Costco yesterday because our pantry and fridge were REALLY bare and I saw our old car. Isn't that weird? We traded in our car in August and went down to one family car, and I totally saw our old van - same plates and everything - in the parking lot at Costco. And do you know that my first thought in my little scheming evil brain was, "I wonder if we still have an extra key and we could take it back..." Sad, I know. That sin nature is just ever present, you know?

Must be the Beans

I went to Michaels yesterday to try and find some springtime crafts. I swear that store draws me in just like Target and I can spend forever wandering around getting ideas. At least, that is, when my kids aren't with me. So as I am looking through some of the fake flowers the woman next to me starts talking to me in Spanish. She is an older woman, maybe late 60's, who looked very friendly and was admiring the flowers and noting what a good price they were. Rather than insult her with my spanglish I nodded and smiled and continued my search. She then looked at me rather intently and asked - in english this time- Are you mexican? At that moment I cannot tell you how many things flashed through my brain. Vocab words from AP Spanish class, the time I met my dad's family in Mexico and they asked me how old I was in Spanish and I answered "fine", the stunned faces that met mine when I walked into my first Mensa club meeting. I quickly blurted out no, for fear that she would then expect me to speak to her in Spanish, but then corrected myself and said something profound like, "Well, yeah...my dad is but umm I don't speak spanish umm sorry?" She politely did not laugh in my face but I was totally humiliated. I should add here that I am easily embarrassed and completely hormonal right now. I spent the rest of the day wondering what about me she saw that clued her in to the fact that I am, in fact, half mexican. The blond hair and blue eyes usually throw people off, which is why I spent a great deal of time in high school trying desperately to convince people that I did have some spanish flair in me. Sadly the only thing I could come up with is that I have been eating a ton of beans lately because they are Weight Watcher point friendly and maybe she could smell them on me. Usually in the summer I tan really nicely which can sometimes clue people in but right now I am winter pasty white, so I know that wasn't it. Why do I even spend time overthinking these things? I think I need to give my brain a rest and go make brownies, which I know are not point friendly but they taste really really good.

Shocking!

Considering my young age (ha ha yeah right) I feel like I have seen a lot. I have been witness to several births, as well as watched older loved ones fade into dementia or suffer through illness until they finally found peace in death. I have three kids, which means I have been peed on, pooped on, thrown up on, and suffered through the inevitable grocery store meltdown. As a pre-teen I had a huge love of horror flicks so I watched everything from Ammityville to the Omen, which is probably why I am still afraid of the dark. My reason for stating all of the above is to explain that there are few things that truly shock me. However, at Disneyland this past week, I was definitely dumbfounded. I saw a precious little boy, maybe 2 or 3 years old, in the midst of a meltdown. This, sadly, is commonplace in my home so it wasn't too surprising. Not until the child started beating the crap out of his mother. Seriously. I felt bad but I couldn't help but stare. This little pipsqueak was punching his mom in the face and pulling her hair out of its neat little blond bun. All while the very patient mommy remained quiet, I assume waiting for the child to calm down. I was both shocked and saddened. I know that there are a bazillion different parenting techniques out there and my kids are far from perfect so I know I shouldn't judge people but REALLY? Since when is it okay for our kids to beat up on us? I admire her patience but am truly saddened if she believes that being terrorized by her kid is acceptable. The bigger question for me is when did we stop teaching our kids to respect? Respect parents, adults, friends, fellow human beings. It feels like this is a rare thing to find, which is really sad to me and makes me want to shelter my kids even more. I will say that I have several friends with amazing and kind children, but it is depressing to me how rare that is. Is it wrong to teach our kids politeness, kindness, respect, and caring for others? Are we not teaching it because we aren't doing it ourselves? I feel like when things are tough in parenting, more often people throw in the towel and lower their expectations for their kids. But no one ever said parenting was easy, did they?

Feeling Blessed

Wow, didn't realize how long it had been since checking in with the blog. What an amazing couple of weeks it has been. I have been witness to several answers to prayer lately that continue to remind me that God is present, which is always a good thing for me!
As some of you know, we would be under the category of a "paycheck to paycheck" family. Yes, we have read the books and attended the budget seminars about savings and streamlining budgets blah blah blah and we do the best we can with what we get. We know that for us it is all about choices, and we choose to live in an expensive town on one income so we know that there will always be things that we have to live without. Sometimes, that even includes groceries. Long story short, I have continuously gone to God in prayer that somehow, someway, money would fall from the sky and land in our lap. Low and behold we got an unexpected check in the mail about a week ago. Our insurance company finally recognized a few bills that we had paid last year and actually sent us a refund check - praise God! I know to many people that wouldn't seem like a big deal, but for us it was a huge answer to prayer!
Continuing the praises...Last week we were supposed to go to Disneyland and the Science Center in Los Angeles for some much needed family time. Of course, my two boys ended up with fevers and I was in panic mode. I was shoving Zyrtec, OJ, and vitamins down their throats as fast as I could to no avail. When Thursday morning finally came and we were due to leave all 3 kiddos had fevers and I was struggling to figure out what to do. Knowing that all I could do was give it to God, I started to pray. Actually, the more accurate phrase would be I began fervently begging God to heal my kids. By the time we got to Los Angeles, all three kids were fever free! Their fevers never came back and never turned in to runny noses, coughs, or ANYTHING! Praise God!
One final praise...We have been really trying to fit in as much quality family time as possible knowing that Matt will be gone a LOT this year with conferences, camps, training, and missions trips. The kids really have been wanting to go to the snow, which when you live in Santa Barbara isn't always easy. We are feeling SO blessed that friends are letting us borrow their cabin in Mammoth for part of spring break! The kids will already be out of school, Matt will already be excused from his PE job because there isn't any school so he won't have to request time off, and the best part is it's FREE! I feel like stuff like this never happens to us, but I am counting my blessings while they do. We are hoping there will still be snow, and that the kids won't kill each other on the 6 hour drive, but at least that will make for another fun post :)

Frustrating Night, Frustrating Morning

It is only 9:20am and it is already one of THOSE days. Started off with a bad night, and sadly I have no one to blame but myself. I have been waiting forever for September camping reservations to be open since Matt is so booked the rest of summer, and I knew they went on sale on March 1st. So, despite the fact that I was tired and ready for bed at 9:00, I waited up until midnight to try and get reservations. Being the dork that I am, I didn't check the website earlier to find out that they actually don't open reservations until 8:00am. That was the beginning of my bad night.
I have always had nightmares. They occur all too frequently in my opinion, and there is problem some explanation that involves me being insane so I try not to think about it too much. Last night after waking up from a nightmare, I had an amazingly acute realization. The only nightmares that I have had that involve my kids all have to do with Kendall. There have been 3, all incredibly vivid and unfortunately memorable, all about her. What does THAT mean? I wish I had an answer for you, and considering I couldn't go back to sleep forever because I was thinking about it you would think that I could have come up with something. To top it off, after I finally managed to get back to sleep I was awakened to Camden screaming like someone cut his foot off only to find him upset because his blankets were messed up. Aahhhhh!
So, after my wonderfully non-restful evening, I plopped myself in front of the computer at 7:45 to again attempt some camping reservations. Apparently there is a trick to this that I am not aware of because despite the fact that some of September was already booked even before 8:00 I couldn't make a reservation until 8:01, when practically everything was taken. I ended up with 1 night in probably the least favorable campsite on all of the west coast. I think I need to hire someone to do this for me next year because there must be some computer trick that I obviously don't know.
Wishing I could go back to bed right now....

What's for Dinner?

It's probably one of the most frequently asked questions in my house. And sadly, if I answer something that requires more than opening a box the next question is, "Who's coming over?" Okay, maybe it isn't that bad, but I do get that one quite a bit when I am cleaning house or cooking up a storm. Camden has also taken to asking, "What's for breakfast?" as we are tucking him in at night. Do you really need to plan that far in advance for breakfast?
Anyway, the reason for this post is that I was SO excited to get some good deals on a few new cookbooks. I LOVE cookbooks! I can spend hours browsing through them, dreaming of the day that my kids will want something besides chicken nuggets. Hopeful that someday I will have the energy and finances to prepare gourmet meals, and a dishwasher to help me clean up afterwards. A girl can dream, right? I actually love coming up with new recipes too, and hope to someday enter a cooking contest. Unfortunately nowadays they are all shown on food network so I have to wait until after I reach my goal weight, buy a new wardrobe, find the perfect hairstyle that has eluded me my whole life, and possibly get a nose job before entering. Oh wait, and I also have to come up with a winning recipe. Considering the list of other things to do, I think I have time for that :)

Dear Nicholas Sparks

I hope you enjoyed the donation that I made to your film Dear John on Saturday. I want you to know that I have no intention of putting any more of my funds towards your films. I simply do not think that it is right for me to pay you money to make me cry. And to be honest, walking out of a movie with red eyes, a drippy nose, and a soggy tear stained tee shirt simply isn't fun. If you could put some kind of warning on your films along with the rating that states whether or not your characters will have a happy ending, and exactly how many tissues a normal person will need while watching your film, then maybe I will reconsider.

Thank you to my wonderful friends who did not warn me to take enough kleenex to the theater! Come on guys, you know I cry at everything - especially when I see guys crying. However, in honor of this weekends tear jerker, I decided to make a list of best and worst all time cry fest films. Feel free to add your favorites :) In no particular order:
Beaches - classic chick flick, at least 2 tissues
Steel Magnolias - laughter through tears is the best!
My Sister's Keeper - only watch with close friends who you don't mind seeing you sob hysterically
The Notebook - Who doesn't love James Gardner?
Radio Flyer - painful to watch but a good story
Titanic - Not a fan of Leo or James Cameron, but it has to be on the list
City of Angels and Message in a Bottle - my two least favorite chick flicks. If you are going to make us cry, at least give us a happy ending. Will never watch these again!

5 o' clock Shadow

According to my doctors, I have a unexplained dramatic hormonal shift that is causing a wide variety of symptoms. They don't know exactly what it is, or how to fix it, so I get to experiment with different things and take lots of tests. They have ruled out cancer (sigh of relief), pregnancy (which I thought was impossible but apparently not), and menopause. Two of the more unpleasant, noticeable side effects are that I am losing my hair and I am growing a beard. Okay, so maybe not a full beard, but I have all these gross whiskers on my chin. Now I know most of us females usually have one or two annoying little hairs that grow occasionally on our face that are unwanted, but I am talking like 30 on a daily basis. I am getting so desperate I have actually considered shaving. I have tried waxing, which led to a sticky mess, and hair remover which smells so disgusting you would think it would work but it doesn't. I am considering trying Rogaine for women but am fearful of putting anything on my head that would cause more hair growth because with my luck I would end up with 12 inch long eyebrows. Now I don't have a lot to work with in the "naturally good looking" department, so you can understand why this situation isn't ideal. I am fearful that one of these days Matt is going to come home to a bald and bearded woman and run screaming into the night. It's too bad animal rights activists have all but shut down the circus business otherwise I could at least make some money from this situation ;) At least when guys lose their hair they can try and do the comb-over; that doesn't really work for me. I guess I just need to invest in a good pair of tweezers and continue to try and hide my bald patches with a ponytail. Wish me luck!

Catching Up

What a busy week! Full of fun and lots of activities for all. Bennett had his first oral report this week, a presentation on Australia. He has been working SO hard, definitely not the procrastinator that his parents are. He even brought Vegimite for his class to try. Word to the wise, it looks like chocolate but tastes like something you scraped off your shoe.
Kendall lost her first tooth today! It has been wiggly for months and all of her classmates have already lost teeth. She decided to pull it herself - such a brave girl! Very un-Kendall like, but I think she wanted to be in control of her own pain. She is very excited to have her first visit from the tooth fairy tonight - as long as the tooth fairy isn't too tired to remember. Maybe I should write her a note....
KJ also got to go to the American Girl Doll Store in Los Angeles for her best friend's birthday. I think they should rename it the Heaven-on-earth-for-little-girls-and-mommies-store. It is incredible! And incredibly expensive! The marketing group for American Girl must be made up of mommies because somehow in the midst of a down economy with only 3 stores nationwide and outrageously overpriced items people like me manage to save my pennies to buy my daughter something there. Geniuses I tell you, and if I could buy stock in their company I would!
Last but not least we went to Chuck E Cheese today. Normally I avoid that place with a ten foot pole because the thought of all the germies there gives me the creeps, but we lathered up in antibacterial lotion and went for it to treat the kids. The best part of the day was when Camden accidentally referred to it as "Chuck E Jesus". I could not stop laughing!
Hope you all had a great Valentine's, Chinese New Year, and President's Day!

Recent Pics

This picture was taken at Camden's birthday party. Despite the cheesy grin he really did have a great time. I know the cake looks a little like a bunny but it is supposed to be Bolt. Much harder to make than you would think! Eyeballs are tricky! Camden has, of course, already started to talk about his next birthday. We haven't even put away all his gifts yet, crazy kid :)
Below is a pick of the kiddos during STORM WATCH 2010! Isn't it amazing how our newscasters can get so excited over a little rain? Anyway, we tried to head up the back hills of Santa Barbara to find some snow but didn't make it in time. It was still a beautiful drive and the kids had fun, although they keep asking when we can try again. If I could make it snow I would, but that is not exactly in mommy's skill set.

Happy Birthday Camden!

Today is my baby's 4th birthday. I am both excited and sad, kind of a weird mix of emotions going on. I feel like he is getting to the age where I can't really call him my baby anymore!
Whether on purpose or not, I ended up wearing my "maternity" shirt today. No, it is not really a maternity shirt, I did stop wearing those probably 2 years ago. Even though they aren't the most fashionable things in the world they are definitely comfortable :) So even though my shirt today wasn't maternity wear, it did give me that "pregnant" look. Normally this is something that any sane person would try to avoid, but for some crazy reason I didn't mind today. I even thought to myself what kind of responses I might give someone if they asked how far along I was; sad, I know. Even though I am totally content with my family size and love my kiddos to death, there will definitely always be a part of me that wants to be preggers again and have another little monkey. I just need to keep reminding myself of the sleepless nights, throwing up for nine months, whining (which is still heard far too often), and endless diapers. It's hard to remember those things when your kids crawl in your lap and just want to snuggle and tell you they love you!

A Tale of Two Balls

For those of you who normally read my blog you know that it is usually clean, fluffy, family fun. This, however, is an exception. Please be forewarned that the following post will contain some graphic language and subject matter not suitable to young children. You have been officially warned!
Last Thursday I was getting off of the freeway to go to Costco when I noticed the truck in front of me had a pair of testicles hanging off of the underneath of the bumper. Now I know that many people feel it important to plaster their cars with bumper stickers, or some truckers feel the need to belittle women by placing sexual silhouettes on their mud flaps, but seriously when did it become okay to hang your balls off you truck? I have actually seen this once before, thankfully neither time did I have my older children with me. I can only imagine the conversation that would have to occur after that! I couldn't help but wonder why on earth someone would do this, but I came up with three reasonable explanations.
1. The driver/owner did not actually do this, but rather it was a sick (and admittedly incredibly funny if this is the case) practical joke. Only this can explain why he doesn't mind a pair of oversize pale testicles swaying flimsily in the wind behind him.
2. The driver/owner has very low self esteem and is somewhat cowardly and placed the item on his truck so that upon entering and exiting his vehicle he could remind himself that he does have balls and he can face the day. If this is the case, I feel incredibly sorry for you little truck driver and hope that you can find some self help tapes to encourage your spirit rather than balls that hang off of your truck that make you look like you are greatly overcompensating for your own lack of balls.
3. The driver/owner of the truck fears that some day he may lose his balls, and therefore needs to continuously have an extra pair on hand. And, bonus, by hanging them off the back of his truck he knows they will be nice and dry if ever he needs to switch them out.
I wish that I had had the balls to follow this driver and give him a piece of my mind. Maybe I could have borrowed his?

The 34 year old 3rd Grader

I loved third grade, and I am loving being back in third grade with my oldest son. I love the math drills and adventurous books, the fun field trips and science experiments. Third grade really is awesome. Bennett has a project right now on Australia and I have to keep reminding myself to let him do it, because I am so excited about it! Kind of sad, I know. The great thing is he is excited about school and loves these projects too, and thankfully he lets me help. Projects and presentations are kind of my thing. I love all the detail and making things look polished. I thought for a brief moment in the shower this morning that I should maybe try and find a job that entails those kinds of things. I have a feeling it wouldn't be as much fun as returning to third grade though. I wish I could impress upon Bennett the importance of enjoying this time, of not caring what other people think but embracing who he is and having fun, and not worry about the future but cherish the day to day. I wish I could but I know I can't, because it will simply go in one ear and out the other like it did when I was little and grown-ups told me those things. I guess I could try reverse psychology but I am very afraid of what the outcome might be for that. For now I will just sit back and enjoy third grade with him, and hope that someday he can enjoy it with his son.

The Monday Tuesday

It feels like a monday today. I am not sure how days can have feelings but it totally does. I decided to make homemade muffins this morning at Kendall's request. Of course, as soon as Camden realized what we were having he was in tears. Seriously, you are going to cry over food? I feel like he cries over everything lately. You think he had an over emotional mother or something. Anyway, he asked what kind of muffins they were and was sad because apparently he only likes banana muffins and not berry ones. He actually asked me if I could pick the blueberries out of his muffin; it took everything in me not to drop kick him back to his room. And we all know that if I had made banana muffins he probably would have complained about those, too. I know that when Matt is gone the kids get extra needy but it has only been one day, come on people! I know daddy is great but is it really that bad being home alone with mommy?
So, in case you didn't notice by the above paragraph I am going to attempt to blog again. How sad is it that it has been nearly a year? No promises this time, but I will do my best :)